Sir Walter Raleigh

"Passions are liken'd best to floods and streams:
The shallow murmur, but the deep are dumb;
So, when affection yields discourse, it seems
The bottom is but shallow whence they come.
They that are rich in words, in words discover
That they are poor in that which makes a lover."

Astrology stuff ;)

Taurus: Karmic Life Lessons

Those born under a warm Taurus Sun are the most sensual lovers of the Zodiac; they delight in rich foods, cuddling and lovemaking, luxurious fabrics -- anything that creates a delightful, tactile sensation. They also make wonderfully dedicated and romantic partners in love. However, along with all that sensualism tends to come a healthy dose of laziness and self-indulgence. Taurus sees no reason to deny itself anything it wants and this tendency can sometimes deepen into greed. Beneath Taurus's love of luxurious surroundings lies the mistaken belief that self-worth can be measured in terms of possessions, or lack thereof.

Taurus's main lesson in life is to learn that self-worth exists separately from what we have or own; our self-worth is an internal thing, untouchable from the outside, unbreakable by loss or misfortune. Taurus knows how to be generous, but should also learn how to let go of material possessions -- and other people. That possessive tendency can extend to lovers as well; Taurus is one of the most jealous, possessive Signs of the Zodiac. That old saying, "If you love someone, set them free," should be made into a tee-shirt just for Taureans to wear! Being quite stubborn as well (a quality of being a Fixed Sign), Taurus can really hold a grudge. And when Taurus gets angry, others won't want to get in the way; Taurus can be truly aggressive, even combative, when its passion is aroused. Like everyone, Taurus must learn that no one can control anyone's actions but their own. If a lover strays, Taurus must learn not to dwell on the pain and injustice of it all, but to move on gracefully.

Also thanks in part to that Fixed Quality, Taurus tends to fear change -- of any kind, bad or good! Those born under its influence just want to stick with the status quo and can get a real bee in their bonnets when things are different from how they think they "should" be. Some changes are positive; after all, with no change there would be only stagnancy. Change opens the door to new, wonderful things; even painful change, like moving residences or ending a relationship, often leads to great overall improvement. Furthermore, change means growth and as living beings, growth is what we do. If Taurus could simply relax into change and accept it, all would be well. The trick is to trust ourselves to handle the uncertainty of life. For steady, stable Taurus, uncertainty can be the worst thing in the world! It isn't inherently negative, however; Taurus just thinks it is.

Taurus can learn these lessons in part by taking cues from other Signs. Leo, the Sign of the Lion, possesses the courage of heart that Taurus, who possesses strength but also fear, may lack; Taureans should look to their Leo friends for lessons in turning that strength into bravery. Magnetic, charismatic Scorpio can teach stubborn Taurus about being dynamic, about turning on the charm to get what it wants rather than resorting to stubborn insistence as the road to getting things done. And Taurus can look to progressive, forward-thinking Aquarius for lessons in how to let go of personal, material possessions in favor of embracing new ideas. Aquarius can teach Taurus to value change -- even thrive on it!

Only Human

Today i am just kinda sad. I don't feel very well and I came home from work a little early. It's not anything new, just still the transition of things and life and all that stuff. I do not deal with change very well, but thanks to Derrick's maturity and ability for he and I to communicate, this has gone very well.

I am incredibly, amazingly grateful to Derrick for the things he has taught me (and hope that maybe he has learned something from me, too). I am sad that he will be moving because even though we are not dating anymore, I still love him very much as a friend and always will. I am not looking forward to living alone, either- but it is something I need to do, so I will.

I am going to want to have a get together sometime after Derrick gets all his things together and moves. It isn't that I don't want anyone over now, I just think it is easier for us to have our space as things are already stressful enough around here for everyone. Nothing bad- just reality can be a bitch sometimes.

Gratitude is the most pervasive emotion I have at the moment. I am grateful to have a job, clothing that fits me (mostly), enough $ to eat and feed myself, my family to lend their support to me, my wonderful friends Josh, Tree, Sam and my Amazing Boss and friend, Barbara and her family. I am also incredibly grateful for Derrick's wonderful mom, Cheryl, because she is just such a fabulous woman <3 Not to mention his oh-so-sensible Nana Wheeler!

Even in the midst of my emotional turmoil and all the change/moving/etc, I feel grateful for what I do have instead of focusing on what I don't. I have been reading a lot and really think it has helped keep me focused on what is really going on instead of getting lost in my emotions like I used to.

I am no longer the Drama Queen I once was- I have learned to use my powerful emotions more constructively, and I am continuing to hone this ability as it has proved most beneficial to me thus far.

I miss a lot of you out there, and hope to see you soon. =)

Love is not enough

The more that we take
The paler we get
I can't remember what it is
We try to forget
The tile on the floor
So cold it can sting
In your eyes is a place
Worth remembering

For you to go and take this, to smash it apart
I've gone all this fucking way
To wind up back at
Back at the start

[Chorus:]
Hey, the closer we think we are
Well it only got us so far
Now you got anything left to show
No no I didn't think so
Hey, the sooner we realize
We cover ourselves with lies
But underneath we're not so tough
And love is not enough

Well it hides in the dark
Like the withering vein
We didn't give it a mouth
So it cannot complain
It never really had a chance
We'd never really make it through
I never think I'd believed
I believed I could get better with you

Strength...

Today I am better, and seeing a glimpse of freedom I had somehow given up during my relationship with Derrick. He didn't make me do it, but he WAS damn anti-social!!!

Here's to the FUTURE! =)

The pit in my stomach is gone. Derrick and I broke up and I feel relieved. I am very sad that things could not work out between us, but rather than grow resentful of one another I decided to end it. It was fairly mutual, however, since we have been stressed living together for some time. Derrick has been very helpful in all of this and very honest, and I am not the slightest bit angry about anything.

I am, however, heartbroken- because my mind is logical, my heart is a naive idealist. I thought Love could conquer all, and bring down walls between people if it was all for growth together. I was wrong, and it hurts a lot to see that as reality now. I suppose I needed the reality check, and at this point in my life I just want to be on my own and figure out what I want to do...

A million tiny pieces left of my already fragile heart- I better go start picking them all up again.

I feel awful.

I have that rock-like pit in my stomach- it starts to grow, and then it doesn't stop.

I do not know now if this is my intuition trying to say something or if it is me being freaked out and paranoid.

Help me calm down, oh please... something. =(